Old Lady Cat Tumblr Feed Me Beets

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So my life for the next prospective.....twoish weeks is going to be...BAD to put it gingerly.

But at least I'll always have Granny Beetroot. You'll never die. You're forever.

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𝑮𝒓𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒎𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒔 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒅𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒈𝒓𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒄𝒉𝒊𝒍𝒅𝒓𝒆𝒏.

𝑵𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒈𝒆𝒕, 𝑮𝒓𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒎𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒔 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚 𝒎𝒖𝒄𝒉, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒂𝒍𝒘𝒂𝒚𝒔 𝒆𝒂𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒃𝒐𝒓𝒔𝒄𝒉𝒕.

Original comic and concept by @thestalkerbunny

All lace dyed by me. Shirt, apron, sash sewn by me. Yarn wig constructed and styled by me. Accessories made by me.. Beets, made with paper mache by me, my friend and my mom. Photos by my mom. Original concept and art by thestalkerbunny.

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Sam and Max fic recs

I've literally never done a fic recs thing so let's see how this goes

• "Paperwork" by gigawatts

- Basically a classic accidental confession story. So fucking fluffy but also in character. Max being a needy little shit in the beginning is hilarious. It's one of those tooth rotting things where it's hard to stop smiling.

• "Remember to Always Kiss your Homies" by Freelance_Magic

- Wonderfully lighthearted, clearly doesn't take itself too seriously but never to the point of being crack. If your a big fan of the tv series like me you'll love this, it captures the vibe of it perfectly and that's honestly a feat.

• "I Don't Even Like Girls" by Kettle_Fish

- Just a really good kid fic. The author clearly understands how 12 year olds really act/ talk, and what level of relationship stuff is actually appropriate for characters that young. Max has that moment every queer kid experiences where he's like "wait, this is an option?" and it's done so perfectly and in character. Sam is also causally portrayed with sensory issues, which I really like.

• "Sam and Max's First Wedding" by Horrid_Thingz_323

- Another good kid fic, again does a good job at having a "crush" vibe instead of an overtly romantic one. The descriptions are awesome, so much detail immersing you in the scene and really making it feel like these characters have a life outside of the story

• "The Best Mistake I Ever Made" by H_Works

- Sam and Max get together as a couple in the car ride BACK from their wedding, which is an interesting and funny concept. Just a sweet acknowledgment of feelings without much hallabaloo (well, for Sam and Max that is)

• "Don't Tell Sam" by The_Heart_Breaker

- Drunken confession. Need I say more? Max is hilarious and oddly sweet, and Sam is so in character, clearly excited about what's happening but keeping reserved and waiting for the right moment.

• "Sam and Max in the Tunnel of Love" by Kosei

- Not particularly fluffy but feels more in character. Basically just them in the tunnel of love casually talking about the idea of relationships. These feel like the reactions they actually would have in this situation

• "Max's Complicated Relationship with Love" by ben_plantt

- So with a title like that it's basically a character study, and the ideas explored are so sweet and/or genuinely interesting. Granny Ruth is involved so what's not to love? One of my favorite endings to a fic ever, I couldn't stop smiling, it was simple but so perfect

• "No Animals Allowed" by Bunny_Bombastic

- This one starts off with Sam and Max's pregnant moms discussing what they'll name their new children. You quickly realize they are not very good moms. The rest follows the two from a distance as they grow up, told from the point of view of grandpa Stinky in his diner. This is such a unique and wonderful fic! It's so good at feeling like an accurate snap shot of each of these characters and doesn't hold your hand with information, but let's you figure things out organically. (My favorite example of this is the "beet can scene" in particular.) Definitely one of my new favorites.

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Question if they did what kind of personality do you think that Jaeha's and Kija's female love interest would have?

My bad I sorta partly answered this in your last message anon but here goes.

Jaeha is easy for me. I think he'd find the equivalent of a young Gigan. That take no shit personality that will role their eyes at his *extra-ness* and extravagance but ultimately still love him beyound reason. I figure when the dragons are no longer needed jaeha would go back to some wandering or awhile. Maybe pick up pirating again. I can see them patching him up when he gets himself hurt (again) and maybe wrapping bandages or tying stitches a little too tight when he tries to smooth talk his way out of trouble but giving him a kiss on the cheek regardless. They might even sit his ass down from time to time so they can braid his hair in different styles and he'd sit there even if his hair became a rats nest in their attempts.

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Kija is a little harder to picture for me. Granny always pushed the nearest pretty girl in the village at him and he'd pay no mind so I figure one day he might come across a sweet little village girl, plain by all other standard yet he'll fall head over heels. Maybe she works in a shop and he'd eagerly try and help carry all the stock for them as they relines shelves. I see probably a softer, polite personality yet they're firm standing up for themself when customers are rude. Not loud. Just even and resolute as they ask the rude people to leave. And if customers refuse kija is there glaring daggers outside. They'd tell him that's not nessisary and he'd apologize for getting worked up and in the end they'd just giggle lightly and give him a kiss on the cheek (at which point he'd go beet red).

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These are the kinds or scenes I can could see at least, hopefully that gives you an idea of some personalities 😅

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Ruby and Regina having to hide the evidences of their relationship because: 1) it's too early to let anyone know and this bubble is so cozy and 2) it could kill Snow.

So Regina shows up with some minor bruising around her thighs, which Snow can see because that skirt is too short for a Mayor. "Oh, these? I... rode for too long." Snow smiles. "You're riding horses again? That's great, Regina! I'm glad you found a hobby!". Yeah, horses...

Ruby shows up to the Charmings weekly meeting sweaty and breathless. Snow frowns. "You've been running a lot lately. Tiring yourself out before Wolfstime, huh?" Ruby says nothing.

Snow finds a bra in Ruby's car that she's never seen Ruby wear before. It doesn't even look like it fits her properly. "Ruby?" Her friend gasps, but Snow continues. "Thrift shopping again?" Ruby nods. When Regina hears about it, she'll cast another curse.

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Please know, you sent me this while I was writing that other thing in your submit box. I'm so glad we both had to write stupid SIDCU moments. I LOVE THIS!!!!

First off, yes, the cozy bubble in the beginning is super wholesome and sacred. Everything is new, and come on, they both have a very unsuccessful history in the love department (for different reasons). So just lying in bed, gazing at each other with so many feelings, suddenly feeling like teenagers who just discovered how fun boobs are... they can't just burst into the diner hand in hand!

Also, omg, it will kill Snow. They both think about it the night they finally kiss. They talk about it, without one being surprised. It's just... "how even do we tell her?" "I know she likes you. I know she likes me. I know she wants both of us to be happy. But I don't think this is the way she was envisioning her future. With us. As in... us. Together." "It is kinda weird."

"You said you did what??" "Riding. It's not like I was lying exactly. Snow suggested it was about horses." "Regina!" Ruby buries her face in her hands, beet red all over. Regina walks over and hugs her from behind, whispering in her ear. "I'm not complaining about those bruises, you know. It was an excellent work-out." She can pretty much feel the shiver running through Ruby's whole body. Then she shakes it off. "You need to invite Snow to the stables though, plan on actual horse riding with Snow." "But this will be free time I'd rather spend with you." "It's a sacrifice you have to make."

And that's how they end up doing very stupid things to keep up the charade. - The incident at Snow running in on their date at the Rabbit Hole? Ruby is now officially part of the dart team, weekly training. - Snow found them lying on a blanket by the pond? Regina needs to find money in the town budget for a gazebo ("Ruby happened to run by, helped me find a spot that would be lovely for couples"). - Bathroom stalls at Granny's will be renovated. "Regina made me aware of how narrow they are and the one handicapped stall isn't enough. Thank you, Madame Mayor, a great oversight on our part."

"Regina, why was Ruby's car in your driveway yesterday?" "I needed a jump start. Who else should I ask, Emma with her bug?" "Where did you need to go at ten at night?" "I like to patrol the streets, show some presence, you know." "Oh good idea, we should make that a thing, with everything that keeps happening. But with a buddy system next time!" "....... I will add it to the list of obligations."

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Dirty & Sultry Valoris

It's Cocktail Time!

@litttlesilkworm and I invented a cocktail each for our beloved Soviet couple for the New Year's Challenge (thank you for putting the idea into our heads @elenatria 😘).

Valery and Boris brought us all so much joy, and they've been through so much - they deserve to have drinks named after their life-giving relationship 💖. And so does the wonderful Valoris Union! 😊💞

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The recipes:

Dirty Valoris

(top right corner of moodboard)

Ingredients:

4 cl (1 oz) vodka

0,5 cl (1/8 oz) apple syrup (I used Monin's granny smith apple)

2 cl (1/2 oz) lemon juice

6 cl (1 1/2 oz) Ginger Ale

Ice cubes

How to prepare:

Shake vodka, apple syrup and lemon juice with ice cubes in shaker

Strain into martini or other glass of convenience

Add ginger ale, stir slowly once with a spoon

Sultry Valoris

(bottom left corner of moodboard)

Ingredients:

1 1/2 oz (45 mL) beet-infused vodka (I used Stolichnaya)

3/4 oz (25 mL) rosehip liquor (I used Koval)

2-3 splashes of lemon juice

Fresh ginger root

Ice cubes

Sugar

How to prepare:

Shake the mix in a cocktail shaker with ice cubes and a few slices of fresh ginger root

Strain into a martini or a coupe glass with sugar rim

How to make beet-infused vodka (center pic of right column):

Scrub and peel 4 medium-sized beets

Chop beets into small chunks and put into two 0.5 L jars with tight-fitting lids

Add vodka (I used Stolichnaya), 375 mL per jar (one 750 mL bottle total), keep the empty bottle

Close tightly, shake well and keep the jars in a cool, dark place for 2 days, shaking occasionally

After two days, strain the infusion back into the vodka bottle, discard the beets. Store in the fridge.

Enjoy within two weeks 😊.

---

We used ingredients that are either seen in the show or have a direct link to Valoris, and tried to make two very different cocktails for any mood and situation 😍.

@litttlesilkworm 's delicious sultry cocktail lets us savor the depth and sweetness of their secret passion,

while my dirty one lets us taste how fast they fell for each other and how raw the attraction between them is.

The vodka is without question (who's Valoris-loving heart doesn't jump over the moment when Boris wants to share a glass with Valery when the fire's been out), the rosehip liquor brings us back to the first time they meet in the Kremlin where the rose bouquet between them symbolizes their instant connection. Apples were one of the most common fruits in Soviet Union (imagine Boris biting into one vitally), and while we don't see Valery eating, the dish untouched next to him on the desk in the trailer tells us he at least considered having some beets! Finally, ginger gives the drinks a unique beauty like Valery's ginger hair adds to his own.

We hope you like our recipes! 😊 Enjoy! 💚💙

@elenatria @drunkardonjunkyard @attachedtofictionalpeople @shark-from-the-park @green-ann @stellan-pip-69 @johnlockismyreligion @art-is-a-malady @itisa-profoundbond-sarandom @thegreenmeridian @seaweednpeanuts @owlboxes @borislegasov @noirroseate @tanja2377 @the-jewish-marxist @kylos-scarf @kaiserrr19 @ignalina-c0re @lyonyaonthemoon @natasharedfox @starstarship @sunset-and-periwinkle @stellansuperstarlet @jurian-is-cinnamon-roll @arionvulgaris @rbmk-ana @bewareofdragon @viridianchronicle @cinemaocd @gwinny3k @yanafazi1908 @megaladyrocker @potter012 @and-i-coo @boisinberryjamarama @borisboyfriend @antonellachan4567 and everyone else who loves the Chernobyl-fandom and a drink 🍸😊.

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omg bestie you hit my niche of spn/fiber arts. i think that dean would be the type to crochet. he'd make everything from rugs to toys to hats to blankets— the entire bunker (or their house 👀) is completely decked out with crochet things. he'd definitely struggle with it for a bit because crocheting is a grandma craft and he ain't a woman, but after he makes like twenty granny squares in a day to turn into a baby blanket for jack he realizes that it's okay to enjoy this. cas is a knitter AND a macramer. he makes incredible and precise wall hangings that are nearly biblical in their beauty. sam somehow landed on weaving. he appreciates the history behind it and athena and all that junk, but he loves watching the fabric build and adding fun flairs to it, some of them so subtle that you won't notice them unless you really look. jack fingerknits and makes "scarves" for all his dads that they wear during their tea parties

BESTIE I LOVE THIS!!! especially sam weaving things like that's SO him he's SUCH a little nerd... i bet he'd make his own ~organic dyes~ too because the synthetic ones are bad for the environment. cue sam staining the clawfoot bathtub with beet juice or something and dean yelling at him for a good hour because he just cleaned that

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This months produce order from rosebank farms 💚🥬💚

(Collard Greens & Lettuce, Bananas, Vine Ripe Tomatoes, Spring Onion, Green Bell, Habanero & Jalapeño Peppers, Radish, Squash, Celery, Green Beans, Brussel Sprouts, Parsnip, Garlic & Ginger Root, Grapefruit, Oranges, Lemons & Limes, Granny Smith, Pink Lady & Red Delicious Apples, Zucchini, Cucumber, Red Onion, Turnip, Beets,Russet & Sweet Potatoes)

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@collecterofshinythingsgremlin You asked for a Psych fic so here is what may be the worst thing I've ever written.

Psych AU, where Lassie and Shawn used to be a couple before a break up.

Chapter 1: The Pilot

1986

"You do your homework?" A younger Henry asks Young Shawn.

"Uh-huh." Shawn replies.

"Finish those beets?"

"Yep, can I have the fudge cake now?"

"Close your eyes."

"Dad, I don't wanna…"

"Now."

"Ugh," Shawn replies, shutting his eyes.

"Which letter in the exit sign is out?" Henry asks.

"The x."

"What color is the vinyl?"

"What's vinyl?" Shawn asks.

"The stuff these seats are covered in."

"Purple."

"Maroon, close enough. What's the manager's name?"

"Who?"

"She's wearing a name tag. The woman standing at the front door when we first walked in, you saw her."

"Marie. Can I have the cake yet?"

"How many hats?"

"Ugh, come on Dad!" Shawn says exasperatedly.

"Shawn, you want a piece of cake? How many hats are in the room?" Shawn his eyes closed, thinks hard.

"Does a beanie count?"

"What do you think?"

"Three."

"You didn't describe them."

"That's not fair."

"Times almost up, Shawn."

"One has a flower, the one the lady's wearing. One has a picture of some kind of lion, on the weird guy with the crooked tooth. The last one is on the chef," Shawn replies.

"What about the beanie?"

"A beanie's a can not a hat."

"Alright, open your eyes," Henry says, and Shawn does.

"Thank you!" Shawn replies.

"Wow that's amazing," the manager Marie says.

"It's adequate. Get him his cake," Henry says.

"I guess I know what you're gonna be when you grow up," Marie says.

"Oh, I'm never going to grow up, ma'am," Shawn replies.

2006

Shawn stumbles into his apartment with his date for the night. As they lay down on the couch Shawn bumps the remote accidentally turning on the TV, and the news starts playing. On the news is the coverage of a police investigation of a Stereo Shop that got robbed Shawn leans over and grabs the phone. "What are you doing?" His Date asks.

"Calling the police, I think I just closed a case."

"Are you a cop?"

"Oh, no, no, no. Definitely not a cop," Shawn says before talking into the phone. "Ah, it's the store manager he did it."

"Pardon me?" The woman asks.

"Uh, the stereo robberies, at Divisions chain store. He's on Channel 8 News right now. His hands, nervous tick, dead giveaway. And he won't look the reporter in the eyes." He pauses as the woman asks for his name. "My name? My name is Shawn Spencer." He hangs up the phone before saying to his date, "Also, the tags on the news van have expired but that's a completely other issue.

Later at the Police Station

Detectives Carlton Lassiter and Lucinda Barry, are questioning the manager of the shop that got robbed.

"Fine, I confess I did do it, but I had a partner in," The manager eventually confesses. They have Officer McNab come in and take him to a cell.

"So, now we just need to find this partner of his," Lucinda says.

"What was the name of the man who called this in?" Lassiter asks.

"Shawn, Shawn Spencer," she replies. Lassiter feels a twang in his chest at the name. "You think he's the partner?"

"He did tip us in on the manager when he wasn't even really a suspect."

"Let's see what we can pull up on this, Shawn Spencer," Lucinda replies.

Later

Shawn walks into the Santa Barbara Police Station, hoping to get commendation for calling in his tip. He gets directed over to a bench but not before he notices the cop's desk covered in lucky charms. As Shawn takes a seat on the bench he listens in on the cop's phone call. "Eighty dollars is a lot for a reading. But she was astounding, I mean, she knew about Granny's childhood, and the curious she left Bobby, I mean, I could literally feel her spirit in the room," The cop says to her friend. Shawn turns his attention to the man next to him who has the word Bloodthirsty tattooed on his forehead.

"Get out of here," Shawn says. "You know I have the same tattoo. They spelled bloodthirsty' wrong on mine, can you believe it?" The man lunges at Shawn but is handcuffed to the bench. "I can't believe you didn't test that out first." A door opens and Shawn spies Buzz McNab practicing his dance steps. Shawn returns his attention to the man next to him. "What did you do? Bust up your ex wife's car?"

"Her new boyfriends," he replies.

"That'll teach her."

"They got no witnesses."

"Sweet. But you might want to brush the taillight off your sleeve."

"Gee Thanks," He brushes them off but they fall into his boot. Buzz comes and escorts Shawn to an interrogation room where two detectives are waiting.

"What's going on?" Shawn asks. The detectives turn to look at him, and with a pang in his chest he recognizes the male detective. It was Carlton Lassiter or as Shawn used to call him Carly. He had dated the detective years before but they broke up when the detective had left for the police academy and they had decided it would be easier to break up then have Shawn move with him.

"Where were you on the night of the last robbery?" Lassiter asks him.

"I was robbing a stereo store," Shawn says sarcastically. "I wasn't and I don't know, I guess I was doing the same as you were doing. Not solving crime. So what happened with the manager?"

"He confessed but he said that he had a partner."

"And you think I'm a suspect? Really Lassie? Should I call you Lassie or go back to Carly?"

"You're our lead suspect, Spencer."

"Do you guys know each other? Lucinda asks.

"We used to be friends before I entered the academy." Lassiter says. Before turning back to Shawn goes on to explain why Shawn is the lead suspect. A little while later the officer from the front desk, Officer Allen shows up and cuffs Shawn, they move out into the hallway next to some holding cells.

"Oh, come on, cuffs? What? For the walk back to the lobby?"

"Or you could give us a plausible explanation," Lucinda says.

"Okay, okay. Fine, you win. I got the information, because… I'm a psychic." Officer Allen drops the cuffs.

"Get him out of here," Lassiter says.

"Oh, boy," Shawn says. "You grandma would be proud," he says looking at Allen.

"You spoke to her?" She asks.

"I did. She's safe, comfortable. She wants you to stop spending all your money on those charlatans."

"The palm readers?"

"The palm readers," Shawn confirms.

"Okay, just to be clear," Lucinda says. "You're claiming to be psychic, Mr. Spencer."

"How else would I know that you two have been sleeping together?" he says to the detectives."One, two, three. One, two, three. One, two, three. One…" he turns to Buzz. "When's the wedding?"

"May 3rd," Buzz replies. "Wait how'd you know?"

"I'm getting dance lessons for a wedding reception. And you are getting good."

"Wow, that's amazing."

"Oh, come on. Who's buying this?" Lassiter asks. Buzz and one of the prisoners raise their hands.

"I got it," Shawn says. "Go to detention room number two, shake down your vandal. You'll find all the evidence you need." Shawn starts shaking his left foot. "All the evidence is in his left shoe." A little while later Shawn leaves the precinct before getting stopped by the Chief.

(You know what happens, might fill in later)

"It's him!" It's McCallum! I can see his face! The killer is McCallum. Check his wrist! Check his right wrist! The teeth marks will line up!"

"How did you do that?" Lassiter asks Shawn a few minutes later.

"I wish I knew," Shawn replies.

Later that Same Day

Shawn was in his apartment when he heard a knock on his door. He got up from the couch where he was sitting and walked over to the door. Shawn opened the door to reveal Lassiter standing there. "Can I talk to you Shawn?" The man asks.

"Yeah, come on in." They walk over to the couch. "Can I get you a beer?" Shawn asks walking over to the fridge.

"Sure," Lassiter replies. Shawn grabs two beers and joins Lassiter on the couch and hands him one.

"So, what did you want to talk about?" Shawn asks.

"Well," Lassiter says. "When I saw you in the station and when we were together while working the case, I could feel my feelings for you returning and I tried to suppress them the entire time, but I don't think I can anymore Shawn."

"Lassie," Shawn says. "I've never been able to get over you, no matter how many girls or boys, I dated you were the one I couldn't get over." The two men moved closer together and their lips met. "I missed that," Shawn says a few seconds later after they break apart.

"So, Shawn, are you going to be calling me Lassie or Carly?"

"How about Lassie in professional setting and Carly in more." Shawn leans over and whispers into Lassiter's ear. "Intimate settings." Lassiter moves and presses their lips together again, and as they move into Shawn's bedroom their beers lay forgotten.

All of the Spellingg Bee episode that I have rewritten will be in my next post

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The Return of the Flim Flam Brothers...

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In the Apple Swimming Hole, Applejack, Big Mac and Apple Bloom enjoy the water while Granny Smith is not. For you see, she was an Aquapony in her youth and used to perform all sorts of diving stunts. Of course six stories into a deep dish pie pan takes a lot out of you even if you're healthy. So when she was finally healed up, she couldn't even look at the water for a while. She even convinces Apple Bloom to not want to follow her footsteps.

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But then they hear some music and decided to follow it. Its the Flim Flam Brothers with their latest scheme: selling a Miracle Tonic Cure for all your ailing needs. It even worked on some pony we've never seen before in Ponyville (but to be fair, we don't see a lot of these ponies in Ponyville). And buying what they're selling, Granny Smith decides to purchase one of their tonics. And to everyone's surprise, it seems to work.

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But Applejack wants to know what's in it since it seems to work. But then she notices the same pony who was supposedly cured from before. The Apple Sisters follow him to find out he's in on the act. After giving them the split, the Apple Sisters split up with Applejack finding Silver Shell Shill and the Flim Flam Brothers. Turns out, this Tonic is made of Apple Juice and Beet Leaves. Applejack is worried but thinks "well, if it helps Granny Smith it shouldn't be too bad".

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Funny thing is, it is possible to make a good drink using beat leaves and apple juice. I did a quick google search and found a recipe using beat leaves and apple juice with some actual health benefits. If they worked on selling it as a beverage they could have been more successful in the long run than selling it as a bogus tonic in the short run.

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But as I said, Applejack seems worried but overall okay since Granny Smith looks not only happier but more active than before. Applejack even convinced her to join Apple Bloom in the Ponyville Swim Meet since its got to be safer than the Swimming Hole and the River Granny Smith has swam in since. But because of this, Granny Smith buys a whole bunch of the Tonics and Applejack became the unspoken Spokespony for the product.

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Technically speaking, Applejack never verbally approved the tonic. She only said "It seems to work for Granny." And when prompt to say she does approve, she refuses since having such a belief may make people do stupid things thinking they could do it. But the thing about lying is its not just saying false things. If you don't speak out against it when prompt, you're for it.

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Applejack realizes this is bad after hearing she was the one who made Silver Shell Shill realize that honesty isn't always the best policy and begins to verbally be against it. Just in time too as Granny Smith is about to attempt to beat that record despite her aging body. Heck, forget her body...

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Even if she had Captain America's body, 84 feet (25 meters) into a pie bowl is gonna break something at best. Luckily Applejack saves her, confesses to everyone, gets Silver Shell Shill to join in on the confessing and got the Flim Flam Brothers to run out of town. It ends with Granny Smith more confident on swimming and Applejack learning her lesson and earning her Rainbow Connection.

Overall, it is a fine story. If you enjoy the Flim Flam music you got a song, we get to see some nice family bonding times and it is an important lesson about how belief can be helpful but can lead to bad things if you're too much a follower. And like before, it remains canon.

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The two cottagecore bfs definitely have neighboring farms and have a soft rivalry about like... beets or something

Altocles and Robyn actually live on opposite sides of the town the farms are situated around (Robyn's is between the town and the city), but they do meet at just about every farmer's market! And when they go to the town in general, they even visit each other sometimes, good friends.

Their main friendly rivalry is for their apple orchards, Robyn grows Granny Smith, Golden Delicious and Pink Lady whereas Altocles grows Granny Smith, Honeycrisp and Gala. They also both enter their apple pies into the pie table at the farmer's markets and festivals.

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Love In Print [Masaru] - Episode 1

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"But Mari, I don't WANT to go read this on Wattpad, I want to stay here on Tumblr!" Listen, my friend. Let me help you. Here's all of Episode 1! (But the rest is over here if you decide you want to read it!)

— SATURDAY NIGHT —

She's started to think of it as the summer of weddings. Like purgatory, but with more flowers.

Reiko sighs. Another Saturday, another charming garden venue. Soft, flickering tea lights float in shallow porcelain bowls. It looks like something lifted straight out of Pinterest, and it's pretty in all the right ways, hitting every obligatory aesthetic beat. The music is loud and many of the guests are amiably drunk, swaying in slow circles on the dance floor or queuing up for one more lap around the buffet.

Alone at her table, Reiko hides behind the towering lily centerpiece, nursing a headache. She fishes her phone out of the tiny, mostly useless evening bag she's bought to go with this dress and takes refuge in her work inbox.

She'd love to go home, but it's too early to make her retreat. Another two hours, she coaches herself. You can make it for two more.

"Come on," says Ren, prodding her in the shoulder. Reiko jumps half a mile and nearly drops her phone, not that her cousin notices. "We're missing a cake opportunity," he whines.

As usual, Ren resembles a figure pulled directly off some runway in Milan. Impeccably attired, hair artfully tousled, a Rolex gleaming from his left wrist. Reiko plucks at a tuft of fur caught on the cuff of his tuxedo.

"You know, there is such a thing as a lint roller. You have one somewhere in your apartment."

Ren peers down at the wad of cat hair slowly drifting down to the grass beneath their table. "Lint roller? What lint roller?" And then his face lights up. "Oh! You mean that tape-on-a-stick thing from the last time you came over?"

"Yes," Reiko answers patiently. "That tape-on-a-stick thing. You use it to make sure you aren't leaving the house dressed in cat fluff."

Suzu pops up behind Ren. "He likes for everyone to know that he's more complex than he appears. An insufferable playboy and a sophisticated cat bachelor." She loops her arm through his and makes a show of sniffing at his clothes. "Ah," she breathes. "The smell of too much money, layered over eau de too many cats."

"I have three. How is that too many? And why aren't either of you interested in getting some cake? This is a wedding. You go to weddings for cake."

"That's definitely the primary reason for attending weddings."

"It's from Fujiwara's, you know. They never do weddings anymore. You're missing the dessert event of your lives."

Suzu straightens his boutonniere. "You accosted the Fujiwara grannies for these people?" A low whistle. "Wow. Dad must really like them."

Reiko follows her twin's gaze. Their father, Ryuuki, is busy holding court at a neighboring table. He laughs raucously at someone's cheesy anecdote and is having the most fun out of all of them. "It's all business, I suppose," she says, unable to keep from smiling despite how little she's enjoying herself.

Suzu snorts. "Of course it's all business. Isn't it always?" To Ren, she says, "Hey, how long before we've done our duty for the family market stall? I still have ten pages left to write on a research paper and it's…" She grabs his arm in order to check the time on his fancy watch. "… 9:34. With half an hour's drive back to my apartment."

"You can spare ten minutes to have a slice of legendary cake, Tachibana Suzuna."

"God, okay. But it better not be weird like that sheet cake you ordered for the charity auction last month."

"Not weird. Avant-garde."

"Uh-huh. Also, it tasted like beets and had radioactive magenta icing. So gross."

"You and Reiko just really have no appreciation for the finer things in life. Let's go, the line's only getting longer."

"Don't want any," Reiko pipes up. "I'll have a slice vicariously, through Suzu."

"Twin powers," Suzu concurs, initiating the special handshake they invented when they were six. Almost twenty years later, they're still augmenting the sequence with new moves. "Anything I ate, Reiko also ate. And vice versa. Page 2, Line 21 in the Twin Manual."

"The worst plus-ones anybody ever brought to a wedding," complains Ren. He pours Reiko a fresh glass of water from the pitcher on the table and gives her a pat on the head, a gesture of silent sympathy.

She watches Ren and Suzu as they stop to tease Ryuuki along the way. And then she blinks back the onslaught of unwanted tears, reaches for her phone again, and taps the newest e-mail notification. Three unread messages beckon through Reiko's blurred vision. She scans the subject lines, head bowed over the glowing screen. Slipping into the steps of a familiar dance, she starts at the bottom with the oldest message first, because that's easier than confronting her emotions.

PRE-ORDER CAMPAIGN - SPS OMNIBUS EDITION. A reply from the manufacturer about a shipment of Star Princess Sanna enamel pins she asked about on Friday afternoon. Delayed for another two weeks. Not ideal, but better than never getting them in at all. Reiko marks it for a response later.

TENJOU DELIVERY WEDNESDAY. Timestamped a mere ten minutes ago. She isn't the only one working on a day off. Reiko notices right away that the message has been flagged as important, which is odd. This e-mail appears, without fail, every Monday of her life. Throughout the long history of this exchange, the message has never been flagged as important. At least, not that Reiko can remember.

She almost opens it, curiosity triggered, but then she sees the subject of the next e-mail and momentarily forgets everything else.

ALL DEPTS: QUARTERLY MEETING — MON @ 10AM

A thrill dances through her, momentarily displacing the throbbing ache in her skull. The sounds of the reception fade away. She taps the message and it unfurls into a calendar invite. Representatives from every department at her publishing house will be expected to attend, including Reiko and the other senior marketing staff.

Most meetings are a dreary prospect, especially when scheduled for first thing on a Monday. At these quarterly gatherings, it takes hours to discuss things like sales figures and future business plans. But this one is special, because they'll finally present the twentieth anniversary plans for DUCHESS Magazine's most iconic franchise to date: Red Thread. The first manga she ever read all the way through, start to finish. The reason why she applied at Yumeisha in the first place, as soon as she'd graduated.

Reiko accepts the invite and adds it to her burgeoning, meticulously color-coded calendar. She can't keep from breaking into a smile. She's still beaming at her phone when she hears the grass crunching softly under someone's feet and looks up to find that she is no longer alone.

The someone is tall, just about as impeccably turned out as Ren, and wearing a pair of dress shoes so highly polished that Reiko can see her reflection in them. He's shed the jacket and rolled up the sleeves of the crisp white shirt underneath.

There is only a bowl of tealights to see him by, so it takes a moment for Reiko to recognize the man now seating himself across from her. But if the head of blond hair hadn't given it away, the green eyes and trademark smirk would have made it very clear within the next two seconds, anyway.

She blinks at him. "Oshiro?"

"Hi."

"Um, hi. What are you doing here?"

He leans back into the chair and stretches his long legs under the table, instantly making himself at home. "Attending a wedding," he replies. "Chatting with the bride's aunties. Waiting for you to pay attention to me."

"And sending e-mails?"

"No rest for the wicked, as they say."

Reiko puts her phone down. "It's weird seeing you outside of work. This is the last place I'd expect to run into you."

"Why? Because you figured that I live at the office and camp out under my desk on days off?"

She laughs. "I mean, yeah."

"To be fair, I'd expect the same of you."

Well, that really is fair. Sometimes Reiko looks up from the endless loop between work and her apartment, her apartment and then work, and realizes that her entire existence can be summed up in three boring sentences or less. And then she'll go back to her computer screen, her half empty coffee mug, the pathetic little granola bar that will have to serve as her lunch. But that's just the way of things, isn't it? At least she genuinely loves her job. It would be much harder to bear, otherwise.

"I've considered just packing myself a bag and living in my cubicle," Reiko admits, without any real shame. In the background, the band segues into their much livelier cover of a depressing breakup anthem. Over the noise, she adds, "At least it would save me a commute."

"So dedicated."

She shrugs. "So lazy."

"Anyone truly lazy wouldn't be checking her inbox at a wedding reception," Oshiro points out.

"Guilty as charged. Have you come to scold me for not participating in wedding activities?"

"No, I've come to ask you why you haven't opened my e-mail." He waves his own phone at her. "I checked three seconds ago. It definitely still says unread."

"It's flagged important and with a read receipt? Seriously?"

"Seriously. It's high priority. Read it right now." He angles a covert glance over her shoulder, in the direction he came from earlier. "Oh, and if you don't mind, don't reply until I'm back over there."

"Wait, you want a reply, too? What am I supposed to say? You send me the same four lines every week. I have the thing memorized by now." To prove this point, she clasps her hands behind her back and recites, "Heading to Tenjou on Wednesday. They need endcaps, window decals, sticker packs, blah blah blah, for insert-manga-title-here. I'll stop by and grab them on my way out. Thanks. Oshiro Masaru, DUCHESS Sales, 81-4-8914-1111, extension 822."

His demeanor shifts, now part bemusement and part blatant self-satisfaction. "Look, Tachibana, I'm beyond flattered that you hang onto my every word like this. Not surprising. I'm extremely eloquent in my digital correspondence."

She rolls her eyes. "There it is. I knew it was coming."

"You even know my extension by heart," Oshiro continues blithely. "It's like my wildest dreams coming true. But what I really need right now is for you to open that e-mail and write me a timely reply. By timely, I mean don't hit send until I'm at my table again. And then I'll read your response and write you back. So on, so forth, rinse and repeat, until this torture is over and we can both leave."

"Ah." Reiko crosses her arms. "You want a prolonged reason to be on your phone."

"Correct."

"Because you don't want to be here."

"Also correct, but needs clarification. I don't want to be at this wedding. I do want to be at this table with you."

He tips his head towards his original seating arrangements. Reiko risks a covert glance and notes that Oshiro's vacated chair is surrounded by chattering ladies ranging from middle-aged to elderly. Somehow, without ever speaking to a single one of them, Reiko can tell that they're the problematic aunties who don't get along with any of the other aunties. Consequently, they've been placed where they can ostensibly do the least damage. From the looks of it, they're having a fabulous time.

Reiko bites her lip, smothering a surge of laughter. "Wow. How did you end up with the best seat in the house? Like, who did you offend?"

"Ha ha. I owed the groom a favor and he cashed in, majorly." Oshiro leans forward. "They're a nice bunch, don't get me wrong, but if they set me up with another of their nieces, I'll be double booked from today until Christmas."

"You're welcome to sit here instead," she offers. "We have an extra chair. My dad prefers to migrate between friend groups."

"Thanks, but I can't just abandon my post. I wouldn't put it past them to follow me over here, or else I'd take you up on that suggestion. I figure random texts to my brothers will seem rude, unlike important work e-mails. So play along, won't you? And keep in mind at least one of them will be reading over my shoulder the whole time."

"What's that supposed to mean? What on earth do you think I'd be putting in that e-mail?"

"I'm just saying, don't use this as an opportunity to confess your undying love or anything. Maintain professionalism and all that."

"Gosh, what a tall order. How will I ever comply?"

"Dig deep, Tachibana. Find that inner strength."

Reiko pulls a face. "You came all the way here just to make me do this?"

"Yes," says Oshiro. "You're welcome. I'll look for your thank you note in the mail. I also like gift baskets. The ones with baked goods are okay, but no edible fruit bouquets or artisan cheeses. Nobody wants those."

"But why me?" she persists. "Don't you have anyone else you can trade fake work e-mails with? What about Ueda? Or your boss?"

"Hey, take it easy. I'm not used to outright rejection."

"I'm not rejecting you, I'm just confused."

"What's there to be confused about? I don't want to be here. Neither do you. Let's help each other out."

Neither do you. Reiko feels very, very obvious, now.

He watches her expectantly. She can tell that he's fighting hard not to break into one of his insouciant grins. Reiko can't decide if she wants to smack him or bask in the infectious warmth of his attention, like a deprived houseplant straining to soak up every drop of sunshine it can get.

This conflicted reaction is more embarrassing than being caught on her phone. For God's sake, it's just Oshiro.

Their departments — Sales for him, Marketing for her — are often flung together, which means running into him at Yumeisha is pretty normal. They take the same elevator from the lobby and frequent the same break room on the tenth floor. He stops at her desk most Wednesday afternoons, as promised in his e-mails. Once in a while, if she stays even later than usual, Reiko might see him striding ahead of her through the lobby's sliding glass doors, crossing the street to catch the same train. They never talk much, though, unless it's about work.

Still true, she concludes, as Oshiro stands up and pushes the chair into place, preparing to return to the Island of Matchmaking Aunties. He walks backwards away from her, hands in his pockets. "Talk soon," he tells Reiko, smiling as if he's guessed all her secrets. And then he's gone, threading his way through the crowd while she stares after him, utterly bewildered.

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